No Baby

New Years was an exciting time for the Opfar family. On New Years Eve I found out I was pregnant and so excited. We had been trying for about 6 months which was longer than it had taken for any other pregnancy. What made the experience even more special was it being our last evening visiting family in Washington before we came home to California so we were able to share the glad news with both sets of grandparents and Aunt Elspeth in person. I also immediately texted Miranda to let her know.

The OB doctor won't see you until you are about 8 weeks so I still had some waiting to do before I could get in to see a picture of my little one. By the end of January the appointment was set. I pumped Ted up for the appointment by telling him we were going to be seeing a picture of the baby inside mommy's tummy. We already had told him there would be another baby joining the family but the idea of going to the doctor and seeing the baby put Ted over the moon excited.

Unfortunately it was not meant to be this time. When the doctor did the vaginal ultrasound he could find the sac where the baby should be but no baby in it. It would be a miscarriage. Since this appointment I have done a bit of internet research and it sounds like a blighted ovum which means I was pregnant but my body figured there was something wrong with the pregnancy so it stopped developing the fetus. I was sad but I held it together while the doctor and I discussed the next steps. I don't like getting emotional in front of doctors.

The worst part of the day was Ted's reaction. As I climbed down from the table to get dressed Ted asked where was the baby. I told him there is not going to be a baby and I will explain more once we get outside. Of course this is not acceptable to a 3 year old. He kept asking over and over what I meant and began to get upset. Again I pleaded with him to wait until we left the office because I knew I could not give him more details without bursting into tears. He held off on his questions and I quickly left the office after scheduling a follow up for a week later.

Then we got to the car and Ted started to cry. Ugh... it was so much worse than anything I was feeling. I explained that we thought there was a baby but it turns out we won't be having one right now. Ted responded, "But I want a baby! Where is our baby?" I told him we will just have to be patient and try again, he said he did not want to try again he wanted another baby. Eventually he calmed down when we decided to go swimming once we got home to take our minds off things.

That night at bedtime I could tell Ted was still upset. I even think he believed we left the baby at the doctor's office or the doctor did something to take our baby. My explanation became trying to tell Ted that babies come to us from Heaven. All families have different numbers of babies that have come from heaven. Some have 4, some have more and we just have 2 babies from heaven right now and I held up my 2 fingers. Ted reached out and pulling up a third finger on my hand he said cheerfully, "Yeah but I want 3 babies." So I think now he understands that there is no longer a baby in mommy's tummy but hopefully soon we will have another baby join our family.

I am so happy to have Ted and the wonderful little boy he is! So to any little babies up in heaven who want to join our family, just know that you have a big brother waiting for you and he is so excited to meet you!